English Majors: We squeeze water from rocks!

It struck me today as I was writing a character analysis paper, that there is an English Major type. Actually, English major types—two of them. Type A, anally retentive, likes to correct your grammar, and gets constipated for days when attempting to diagram an unusually difficult sentence. And Type B—the story and character analyzer: the one who can find meaning in just about anything. Give them a word such as “paper clip” within the story of a princess who feels her worthlessness as a line cook in a patriarchal society and we will come out with pages about the metaphors, similes, ethno-origins and the religious symbolism of a paper clip within the concept of this morality tale. (Or is it really a deconstructed piece masquerading as a morality tale?)
These are the things that keep us, Type Bs, awake at night. Did the author really mean this? Did the symbol mean that? Oh God! I forgot! The story was set in Norway! That negates my whole theory! I am going to have to start from scratch by analyzing the role of Norse fairy tales and social history within the confines of the 19th century Bavarian structure. DAMN THOSE KNOMES!!!! Unfortunately, these characteristics also make us horrible girlfriends or boyfriends. Buddingly sensitive to the possible nuances, we also drive ourselves crazy with the possible innuendos of a simple phrase or gesture. Take a simple night out to dinner and a movie. Did he take you out for fried chicken, or spaghetti? If spaghetti, did he call it spaghetti or was it farfalle with cream sauce…or even farfalle con something that you have no idea what he is talking about? Each gives a subtle indication about what he is like, what he is looking for, and how much this date really means to him. And we haven’t even gotten to the location of the restaurant, what he is wearing, or even the movie selection. As Type B English Majors we are compelled to live in this world of double, triple and even quadruple meanings for our seemingly simple lives. Why must we make so much of our existence? And really, when is just a paperclip a paper clip? Good gracious, maybe I am just neurotic.