Identity Crisis a la Carte

Today I found out that I am not actually white. Or, I guess the preferable term “Caucasian.” Although I have never really liked this word or how it sounds—too much like the Mexican slang word “Caca” meaning “poop” or the jungle call of a Amazonian parrot--I have learned to identify myself with it. (Caucasian, not poop…or parrot) I have filled it out on school documents, employment forms, the FAFSA, my taxes. Every standardized test and internet survey, I have defined myself with the bland, saltine cracker-like racial category of “caucasan.” Today, however, my identity was shaken by a single diversity workshop. Amidst the various activities, where we subdivided ourselves into small & smaller boxes (Female, single… single-white-female), and introduced ourselves to each other by those divisions, we also had to pair up with a stranger and give them the first words that came to our minds when we thought of a certain race or ethnicity. (Dangerous, no?) The trick was, we could not use the race or ethnicity of ourselves or of our partner. My partner was a bubbly looking girl who already made her mark in class by saying that she was glad to be sharing her thoughts about diversity amongst social workers because social workers never passed judgement. HA. That’s sweet. As I gave my ethnic background, (the mutt-mix of Irish-Italian-Norwegian-Danish or as I like to call it, how the hell did that happen?) and she gave hers, (part Euro part Palestinian) she said that she would like to choose the group “Caucasians” to talk about. You can imagine my shock. I know that she identified herself as part Palestinian but for real, if you put the two of us on a moonlit beach, we would shine out whiter than bleach-soaked albino muskrats with portoferia. When I clarified, to make sure that she knew we were supposed to pick a group different than us, she nodded her head and said, “Yes, I know.” I then stated what I thought was the obvious…. “but I am Caucasian…” She looked confused and then said what almost made me hit the floor, “But you said you were part Italian?” Now, this is where I am confused.> #1 Did we skip 5 decades, or didn’t Italians finally get classified as “Caucasians.” I know we have some crazy-non-european stuff like pasta, opera & wine…..but…oh wait.> #2 I am also Irish, Danish & Norweigan. Wouldn’t 75% seem like it would constitute the majority…..or did one drop of Italian blood keep me out of the Caucasian club?> Also, now that I have “outed” myself as what she believes is a Caucasian-wannabe, she is looking at me as if I have denied my true non-caucasian ethnicity and tried to join “in-crowd.” Like I have walked up with a wad of toilet paper stuck to my shoe to a cafeteria table full of cheerleaders, lettterman’s jackets, Abercrombie perfume and i-phones and said, “Can I please eat with you guys?”> Now what is disturbing to me, is not that some random person may think that I am not Caucasian—but that this division of caucazoid vs. non-cacazoid is truly important enough to her (and probably others) to engage in an argument. And what about others who may be 90% Caucasian but maybe 10% Asian? What if they identified as Caucasian? Would the Caucasian police tell them they couldn’t? Who created this "Caucasian" definition anyway?